In 1897 Troy had just finished his galactic battle in the asteroid belt with a giant evil space squid. Suffering the loss of his left arm he stopped into a nearby space station for repairs. This is where he met Tim who constructed him a new arm from the souls of 1000 flying monkeys. Troy repaid Tim by letting him join his crew as they set off for more adventure. Many, many years passed and they both grew rugged and beardly. The year 2042 came all too quick for our savage and noble crew. By this point their massive beards could pilot their ship for them. However, one day when exploring the depths of the Pacific Ocean they were attacked by a submarine of pirates who quickly boarded their ship. Their pirate leader Jay was awestruck upon embarking. Seeing this beardtrocity he was compelled to join their crew and convinced them they must remove their grand beards. They dumped the excess beardness into the ocean raising water levels three feet across the world. This caused global panic and the trio was forced to flee back into space. Tim, not paying attention to where he was piloting the ship, flew them straight into a black hole. Though they struggled they could not escape its grasp and were forced into singularity. Upon reaching the other side they were blinded by white light everywhere. When their vision returned they saw never ending white emptiness and one man standing there. They approached the man and asked who, why, where, and how? He simply stated he is the keeper of black holes, and they were in his domain where it was always 1999. His name was Derrek, and he told them if they let him join their crew he would help them escape. Tim, Troy, and Jay after a long discussion agreed that this would be acceptable terms. So they were guided out. As they continued their crazy caustic crusade coming cross cans of creamed cabbage they met Cavan. His courteous creations carved a curly conscious kite from the cosmos. They called out concerned clearly for continuing their cordial cause now confirmed and conjoined. The five of them then set off into space together.
Time continued to cycle until 2221 when they had stumbled across a giant jungle planet while attempting to evade slightly yellowish glowing deep space zombies. These zombies were faster than normal zombies as they had high morale which made for a true challenge for them. The crew used the dense oversized jungle to elude the zombies. As they were flying through at high speeds the wing clipped something and they spun out of control plummeting into the ground. Knocked out from the crash, they had landed in a camp of alien aborigine beetle men and were chained and bound. They woke to the screams of Cavan as he was quartered by large dinosaur like creatures. The beetle tribesmen began chanting as they took his skull cleaned it and placed it on an incomplete altar formed of skulls from various other creatures. The chief turned to the captive crew, looking specifically at Troy as he was frantically screaming profanities. With a whirr and a hum of the chiefs wings he raised up his staff and slammed it into the ground. Lightning shrieked and weaved between tribesmen straight into Troy and as it filled his body time stood still for a moment. With a glare of shock Troy looked directly at Tim and said "You're the captain no" as his entire body suddenly burst into a fine red mist coating the area. His skeleton was all that remained there slumped over. One of the beetle tribesmen plucked his skull from the pile of his remains and brought it swiftly over to the chieftain. He placed it in the final spot on the altar. A rumbling began. The jungle around them came alive in rhythm and from out of nowhere an Ancient Great White Ape slammed down from the sky slaying most of the beetlemen. They began to scatter but with the rhythm of the jungle in his veins he slammed and crushed each and every one of them. The bound crew, frozen in fear, awaited their demise. However, the Ancient Great White Apes demeanor changed and he greeted them by freeing them of their bindings. Telling them he is known by A.J. among his people. He said the songs of fate had spoken legends of the crew and their beardcheivements in search of beardtopia. He informed them he would, without a doubt, join them. So they completed the repairs needed on their ship and continued their great journey across the universe.
It was in the year 2444, that the crew was on a mission in the Sonneb system. Sent to retrieve a series of powerful perfectly crafted gems that were scattered amongst several planets in the system. Things were going splendid as they were recovering one after another with ease. But little did they know, they were being followed. Hunted even. Arriving on the desert planet of Brever Lugeon they landed in a vast erg with enormous rocky plateaus. They knew they were close with their scanners reading well over 9000 and began their search on foot. Hours passed in the burning heat of the two suns when they had decided to take a rest and they broke out their rations. Though they were not alone. Setting up in the shade of one of the mountainous plateaus. They conversed of their triumphs on the prior planets. As AJ went to chomp down a trail of light zipped straight across his head followed by a whisking sound and a split second later the plateau off in the distance exploded abruptly. So large it encompassed the sky. They all turned in shock. "Well, that was close" Tim said turning back with a smirk which was quickly washed away. They all turned to AJ, as he sat there as if he hadn't noticed a thing. He slumped over dropping his food, blood spilling out of either side of his head. "GALACTIC BEARDLY JESUS!" Tim screamed as everyone shot up to rush to AJ. But they knew he was gone. Panic gripped them as they looked around the other direction from where the shot had came, ignoring the erupting plateau behind them. There in the distance was the silhouette of a man with a sombrero and a gun arm moving quickly their way. The explosion had also created a sandstorm that was headed right for them. Derrek noticed that in the cliff face an opening had appeared and a man was motioning for them to follow. Alerting the others, they made a run for it to escape the two perils charging towards them. Once safely inside, the man greeted them. He had the most bodacious beard they had seen before, sporting dark ragged robes he claimed to be one of the most dangerous necromancers in the galaxy. His name - Ian. He told them he had the key they were looking for, the 7th gem, it was the last one they needed. He agreed he would give it to them if they would let him join them. Suddenly, the door bursts open, the man lifted up his robotic gun arm and aimed it at the crew. Ian stepped forward, chanting. Dark energies flurried at the gunman swarming around him engulfing him, and as they dissipated, the gunman was gone. The three of them looked at him agreeing, you're in if you want. Shook his hand and they set off. More adventures to be in store for them.
Or, they are just four, then five, then four, and then a different guy from Omaha who happened to cross paths, making the band When Towers Fall and creating awesome music for your enjoyment.